176:365
December 24, 2008
Wednesday
Christmas Eve

View On Black

We like to say "Olé" like the whitest white people. It cracks me up. Do it out loud, right now. It’s fun. Jeremy does this little jump with his hands, and I die from laughter.

You may ask yourself "What is up with that Christmas tree branch hanging from the ceiling with ornaments on it doing in the picture?"

Nobody knows. Just go with it.

Dyed my hair dark, dark brown. The bleached parts grabbed that colors like crazy. So I have black low lights.

Apparently, I’ve offended people so much that they have kicked me out of every forum I belonged too. After like 12 years.

For a long time now, I’ve been one to drift off, not post, not feel it, feel ignored, be bored with the internet in general. So, I wouldn’t post. Sometimes for months and months. Then I would always pop back in and get back into the swing of things. Always during my times of absence, I would pop in and read what was going on in the lives of people I’ve known practically my son’s entire life, so I was up to date with whatever was going on with them.

We’ll I went to go read today, and lo and behold I have been kicked out of 2 forums. Ha! I assume so they can talk shit about me now, because I’ve never been kicked out before.

So, yeah anyway, Merry fucking Christmas too you too, asshole who deleted me. How about you try to get in contact with me before you just delete me?

What the fuck ever man. 12 years, and I get no notice. That is what kills me. It’s not like I uh, have known these people for a few months. I really don’t see any excuse for that at all. None. It’s a fucked up thing to do. I can think of a few ways to get in contact with me before I get deleted. Myspace, Flickr, a comment here, or Email. So, that tells me that I wasn’t wanted there regardless…and I’m sure there is some shit talking going on.

Apparently, it is time for me to move on…and with my many changes I am going to go through this next year, I suppose that is one more. Say goodbye to all those woman I was in contact with for 12 years.

So adios!

Okay.

So, I’m sitting at the table on my laptop going through pictures, and listening to Radiohead. My back is towards the kitchen. Jeremy is to my right about 10 feet on the couch. He’s facing towards the kitchen watching t.v.. I can see him in my peripheral vision. So, I’m sitting here, and I see this dark shadow walking towards me from inthe direction of the t.v., and I don’t look up, and I thinking it’s Jeremy, only I can see Jeremy sitting on the couch from the corner of my eye. So, I’m trying to compute this, and this shadow is like 3 feet away from me, so I get startled, and I inhale and let out a “Uhhhhhhhh.” and throw my left hand up as if to stop someone from getting closer.

The thought process was so fast, that I had to go over what just happened. I am so totally creeped out right now. Especially after all of Chase’s ghost talk.

Then, Jeremy says “Maybe it’s your Dad.” I got the chills and said “Uh, Dad if that was you, can you not show yourself, because it freaks me out. Come to me in my dreams. Thanks!”

I’m creeped out!

Is that even going on anymore? I really need to make some money, and that is the only way I can make some at home. Why doesn’t my blog suck so bad, people? How come nobody ever comments on my shit? Why do people read it but have nothing to say? Why am I asking questions when nobody comments and barely anyone reads it? LOL!

Anyway, I have an itching for a new camera. Just a newer better version of mine. Nothing crazy. My poor camera, I haven’t taken ver good care of it. The dog knocked my tripod down and broke the battery compartment door, and the other day my tripod leg just broke out of nowhere, and I watched as my camera slammed to the ground. Luckily it still works or I’d cry.

I can’t get this dam camera outta my head. I need it so bad it hurts. Ha!

In no particular order…

1. Take 5 pictures a day that are not self portraits.
2. Appreciate what I have.
3. Live in the moment.
4. Love myself by taking care of myself.
(no smoking, eat right, get exercise, laugh more, be mad less)
5. Show my family that I love them regularly.
6. Have a clean & organized house.
7. Listen to more music.
8. Walk the dogs at least once a day.
9. Eat in more than out and at the table as a family.
10. Be on the computer less.

I’ve been so lucky the past few days. It’s been rainy, overcast and cold. Today we got super windy added to the mix. I don’t really mind the wind when it’s rainy, I however don’t like it much when it’s warm or sunny. Simi Valley seems to have more wind than any place I’ve ever lived.

I thinks it’s a beautiful day out today, and I don’t understand how people hate the rain. It makes me happy. I hate driving in it, but I even found when I worked, I enjoyed working more on rainy days.

I want to sit around all cozy & warm, sipping coffee, and eating soup.

I hope one day I can move to Washington, someplace where it rains all the time. I was born in the wrong state.

.

161:365
December 9, 2008
Tuesday

- Eugene O’Neill

View On Black

Not all that happy with this one. I don’t like the coloring of my hair and skin. I might redo this, if I get really bored…but thinking of all the steps to get to the finished product makes it sound kinda tedious. So this may stay.

Serious! I haven’t been able to keep my makeup on. I put it on, and immediately my eyes start watering and then I start wiping away the tears. Soon, my makeup looks like shit. I don’t likey allergies.

I also have a major headache right now. I don’t likey headaches either.

I’m trying to brainstorm an idea for my picture today. I’d like to get the picture taken before oh, midnight. I actually just want to edit it. I have an idea, which I tried to do last night but bombed. So, I had to do a different one, which I will post after this. The other idea, I’m not sure how I will execute it exactly. I think I took 200 pictures last night trying to get all the elements I needed. I want to do a shot of me jumping down a hole in a cloud. I need my hair flying up, I need my dress showing some movement, my arms up, and then make a hole in the cloud that looks realistic. I need a trampoline for the jumping. It hurts to jump off of chairs onto the hard ground barefoot.

I also want to take a picture of both of my kids like my last picture. Then of one of us together, then frame it them. We will see if I can get them to cooperate. They never want to take pictures when I want them too.