I am so, so, so sick of so many things in my life. Just really tired of it all.

I am tired of always being pissed off or annoyed about things. I am probably the easiest person to annoy. More then a fair share of people bug me. I’d say most are annoying. Hell, I annoy myself!!!

I swear to god, I have to be depressed. Have to be, because I don’t understand how else I feel the way I feel without having something wrong with me. Maybe I am manic depressive like my Mom’s twin brother and his 2 kids? I don’t think I fit the text book symptoms though.

I hardly ever feel really truly happy and content with anything. I can be happy and literally something very, very miniscule can happen that can ruin my whole day, or something really dumb can fuck up my whole week. I swear I am not exagerating. Or I can be in a good mood, and fine and dandy…then I can think about something that pissed me off in the past and go right back there into that frame of mind and stay there for hours or days. Jeremy can piss me off, and I can go the 5 days without speaking to him, except when he tries to make-up only to be shot down by me.

It’s almost like I like being that way. Like there is something I enjoy about it, because I choose to go there. Except when I am there, I want to just snap out of it and be happy…but I can’t and I don’t know how to let things not bother me so badly. I don’t know how to stop at that line. I don’t know how to not step over the line into anger.

I want to just be happy, because I have good things in my life. I don’t want all that crap from my childhood in my life anymore! I am so sick and tired of all those issues clinging around.

So my goal this year is to work on the things that I can change that can pull my down. Such as my credit and my finances. Those are things that hang over my head and eat away at me. I’m hoping if I get everything in order in my life, issues I have won’t seem so bad or something. I don’t know. I’m also thinking maybe it’s time to try some drugs or talk to someone.