Quite sometime ago Jeremy put me on his bank account. I would say that it was because of my urging that we share money. Even though we did share money in a non-traditional way. He paid for rent and utilities, and I paid for food, cable, my internet and my cell phone bill. I never, ever used the ATM card I got from his account. As a matter of fact I never even activated it. So, I had to get another one. Which I have used a total of 3 times in the last week. I hate using it. I hate spending “his” money…and do so when I absolutely have too. Every. Single. Time. I do use it, he says not in a mean, rude way, but still says how he doesn’t have any money. So, then I feel like an idiot. When people make me feel like an idiot, it seriously fucking pisses me off! I have a Paypal debit card, which is linked to my checking account…and when work was slow for him, and he really didn’t have money, he just used that on whatever he needed money for. I never gave him shit when I saw that I all my money from doing Pay Per Post was gone. The money I had in there from selling a laptop bag, so I could put towards a more expensive laptop bag, was completely gone. Nope, not one word.

Yesterday, I noticed that I had 3 charges to my bank account that I did not make. One for $45.00 to some company that helps websites get more traffic or something, and 2 from the same place for $9, and $7. So, they deactivated my card. On Friday afternoon I promised the kids to take them to McDonald’s for breakfast this morning, and used Jeremy’s card, and also put $20 worth of gas (4 gallons) in my Bug. Then I realized I could use my Paypal until I get a new card.

I get home, and he calls me. I’m in a good mood, and then I always say in a joking fashion how I spent some of his money. I think it’s to take the comfortablenesses away or something when I let him know I spent money. Then he starts going into his thing on how he doesn’t have money. Then I’m pissed off and start yelling at him. Mind you he was totally serious, but when I call him out on it…it turns into he was just joking. Why can’t I take a joke? I’m just like Sheldyn and can’t take a joke, and he will never joke with me again.

He knows I feel uncomfortable using his money, and yet he says shit to me every time. So why the fuck would you joke about it to me, when you already know how I feel? See for me if I knew you felt uncomfortable doing something, I would go out of my way to make you feel like it was okay. I wouldn’t even be my sarcastic self about it. I mean why doesn’t he make fun of me and joke about me being a fat cow…cuz it’s just a joke?

That is why I never gave him shit about spending my “savings”, because I didn’t want him to feel like an idiot or bad. So, I just shut the fuck up.

So, now I am completely pissed off at him. Plus, I know he wasn’t joking. He does this all the time too. He says something that then pisses me off, and then all of a sudden he was “joking”. Oh you’re pissed? It was a joke! HaHa!

This shit takes me back to sharing money, and what a fucking piece of shit situation it was for me. I hated spending money, and always felt this tremendous guilt if I ever bought anything. Going grocery shopping was always filled with terror, that I would spend to much and get something frivolous we didn’t need, or buy something just because I wanted it. I would get shit, if I ever bought anything for myself. There is no way in hell I will ever be in that situation again, ever! So, I think I will keep my separate checking account forever. Then if I want something, I know if I can buy it or not, and there is no guilt.

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