I am sick of people being in the house. I am sick of the bathroom being torn up. I’m sick of having dust and crap all over the floor. Now, today I was informed that they will be back here tomorrow. On Saturday. Um, Jeremy works tomorrow and I was going to go with him and help him, then we have to go to his Dad’s birthday party. See to me, the weekends is closed to come to the house unless of course you ask and the residents of the home say yes, that will work for us.

I mean I want this shit done, but I don’t want to have to sit home with the guys doing the work for the 5th day in a row whole Jeremy is at work. I’d like to get out of the fucking house. Ugh!

The guys are all nice, they like to talk…a lot. Who knew guys would sit here and talk my ear off the entire day. Sometimes I just want to sit and read stuff on the internet or whatever, and they are talking, talking, talking. Maybe to avoid doing work. The wall repair guys come. The older one it’s his business, and he hired the younger guy who’s my age to help him. Well the younger guy does EVERYTHING. The older guy talks the whole time and tells him what to do. Then after an hour of not getting much done, they go to lunch for an hour. Come back, work for maybe 2 hours and leave for the day.

So, actually…maybe I should just leave tomorrow with Jeremy. Since, they could have gotten more done if they put in at least 5 hours a day of work.

The plumber is here today. He actually had plumbers crack. Swear to God, I saw it. He’s an overweight man, and his heavy breathing, has got me worried that he’s going to have a heart attack right here in this house today. He’s sweating like a motherfucker, his face is almost purple and he’s practically panting. I also found out that he went to Prison. I’m here alone. I’m grateful that Betty keeps growling and barking at him. Ha! I’m not afraid though. I think i will be okay.

This shirt is funny!

Right at this very minute a guy is ripping the wall apart in the entry. We had termites a month or so ago, and now they are replacing the wall. Turns out Thank You God! that I showed him all the damage to walls, and both bathrooms are going to probably get new tubs also. Yeah! I just hope they don’t rip out all that peach colored tile from the 60’s. It’s kinda stained with rust from the water, but I really like it. Plus, I don’t want some fiberglass enclosure. Ick.

Anyway, my house is tiny. So, the guy is ripping apart the wall, which I am facing while sitting at the table on my laptop. I feel like I should move or something to a spot where I am not facing him.

I am so weird. Ha! These are the things I think about. Should I move so I’m not facing the guy or what? I always think about if it were me, would that weird me out, and yes it would. I’d feel like they were staring down my neck as I worked.

Or when they converse with me. I’m not much of a small talker. I don’t know how to do it, and I don’t like doing it.

Oh, he’s destroying my tile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Literally right now!

Goodbye 40 year old peach tile, that I loved. Peach tile who I just recently discovered. Peach tile who gave pictures character. Goodbye, I loved you. Even if for just a short while.

Eeeeek. I just found out the guy fixing the wall told the landlord that I was here and a puppy. Then the landlord was questioning if I lived here, and about the puppy. The guy said he kinda caught on that I wasn’t supposed to live her, or so he says. God, please don’t let them start questioning Jeremy. although I don’t know what that would do. Maybe they would want me to fill out a Lease Agreement? So, I could fill it out and say I have no job, and no income, and that I have horrible credit. Then the rent will be coming from the same exact place it has been for 11 years.

The guy keeps saying that he’s going to trash everything, and tell him it is irreplacable. So, we are getting all new stuff. Like shower fixtures, medicine cabinets. I think he said new tile too. So, that’s cool.

I just had a pretty bad panic attack. My heart is still pounding in my chest, and I’m still shaky.

I haven’t had one in a while, and this time I am all alone. I think when I’m alone it is even worse then if someone’s home. Even if the kids were home, it would be better.

So, this time I’m reading Perez Hilton and all of a sudden, I feel my chest tighten, heart starts beating really fast, I’m taking deep breaths, because I feel like I’m not getting enough air, and I’m sure that I am going to die any minute. So, I get up and stretch my arms out, which I tend to do when I feel weird in my chest, walk to the front door, and open it so I don’t feel so alone.

It’s so much better when Jeremy is here and I can go tell him. It makes me feel better.

I’ve been out of my blood pressure medicine for a few days. So, then I start freaking out thinking I’m having a heartattack because I haven’t taken it. So, I call CVS, and check and it’s there. So I started feeling better.

Man, those attacks are so icky. I don’t understand why they happen, or what that medication (Lorazepam) is supposed to do for my panic attacks. They come on suddenly, and leave fairly quickly. The pill isn’t going to hit me within seconds, and by the time the pills hit me, my panic attack would be long gone. What’s the point in taking some highly addictive sedative hypnotic drug. I guess that’s the reason I’ve never taken one.