I am probably the least motivated person you will ever meet. The only thing I am motivated to do, are the things I have to do.

WHAT I AM MOTIVATED TO DO

• I am motivated to get the kids up and ready for school.
• I am motiated to feed my children.
• I am motivate to make sure they do their homework, and sign it off.
• I am motivated to get the kids to take baths and go to bed.
• I am motivated to wash their clothes on Friday and pack their bag for their Dad’s.
• I am motivated to take them to their Dad’s and pick them up on Sunday.
• I am motivated to wash my clothes when I run out.
• I am motivated to clean the house when it is a complete pig sty and I can’t stand sitting in it any longer.
• I am motivated to clean the bathrooms, when they start looking worse then a truck stop.
• I am motivated to do the dishes, when the sink is so full you can’t rinse another plate…or there are no more forks. Which ever comes first.
• I am motivated to go grocery shopping when there is absolutely nothing to eat.
• I am motivated to get out of bed, but only at the last possible minute.
• I am motivated to get showered and ready when I know I have just enough time, before I have to leave to get the kids from school.
• I am motivated to get something to eat, when I am completely starving to death.
• I am motivated to take a nap, whenever I feel like it.
• I am motivated to go to bed, at the last possible minute.
• I am motivated to sit on the computer all day long.
• I am motivated to chain smoke and kill myself, even though I know it is bad for me, and I really want to be able to quit.
• I am motivated to take my 365 picture for the day, but 98% of the time, I wait until almost bed time. When I know I’d get a better picture during the day.
• I am motivated to wash Jeremy’s clothes, when he tells me he’s on his 3rd day of wearing the same boxers and socks and jeans and a recycled shirt.

That’s all I can think of now, but hey, you get the picture. I am one lazy god damn person! How does one have motivation to do things at all. I totally lack it. Inside me, I want to be like Martha Stewart. I am really anal about things, and I like perfection, but my whole life around me is a fucking mess! You’d never know. I love organization. I like things to be lined up perfectly. I love cleanliness, but I don’t do that at all. I wash my clothes, and then I throw them up on top of my dresser, which turns into a mound of balled up clothes, that I pick from. You can’t even see the floor of our bedroom, because Jeremy’s clothes are covering the entire floor. I swear to god, we walk on clothes and not carpet.

When I was married to Chuck, he expected me to clean the house while he was at work, and do the laundry. So, I did that. He used to work Saturday’s for most of our marriage, and on Saturday’s, I cleaned like a mad woman! I was literally on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen & bathroom floors with a brush and rag. I was scrubbing the stove perfectly clean. Wiping down cabinet doors, and cleaning the refridgerator. scrubbing the shower and sink. Vacuuming, dusting, doing laundry and bedding. I would wake up at 8am, and start cleaning. I’d finish cleaning in time to be showered and ready by the time he got home. I was on top of it! Only because it was expected of me though.

Jeremy on the other hand, is so laid back and easy going. He doesn’t expect me to clean all day or anything like that. He would never tell me that. He doesn’t even bitch when he doesn’t have clean clothes. He just tells me, in hopes that I will wash some laundry for him the next day.

I kind of wish he as more demanding…but not really. I really wish I had just an inkling of motivation. I don’t even have motivation to do the things I like to do. Like taking pictures, or crafting. I just don’t, and it’s sad really. It’s almost like I’m wasting my life just sitting on my ass. I get nothing accomplished.

I just had the most stressful 30 minutes of my life!

I went to get Chase from school. I hadn’t eaten yet, so we went to Del Taco which is down the street. I get in the drive thru, and turn the Bug off, because it is so loud. I go to turn it back on and it is just making sounds and not turning over. I am SO bad in these situations, because I instantly break out in a sweat and am freaking out inside, all the while trying to maintain composure. I’m freaking out about the guy behind me (who backed out), and the guy on the intercom, asking me if it won’t start. I am trying for a good 3 minutes to start it. So all the Del Taco dudes come out and push the car to a spot. I went in and paid, and thanked them. I called Jeremy, and he asked me if I turned the key all the way. Well the key has 2 positions. It needs to be all the way over to the right to start. We also have a button you need to push to start the car. So, I go try, and the car starts up right away. HaHa! Idiot!

Then we are on our merry ole’ way, and we are at the intersection and the gas pedal, which is an old roller thing that they used to use a loooong time ago, comes off the bolt. This happens occasionally, and the previous owner had rigged it up, and occasionally the little tiny nut will fall off, and then the pedal will slide right off the bolt. It’s uh not fun, especially trying to find that tiny little nut and then screwing it back on there. So, it comes off, the light just turned green, and I scream “SHIT!!!” Panic sets in again. The bitch behind be starts HONKING at me, and I was so freaking close to walking up to her window and knocking the shit out of her. So, I take my foot off the clutch while it’s in gear, and the car jerks to the right…Chase starts panicking, and nearly crying. I inch up to the crosswalk while letting the clutch out a little, and have to throw it in nuetral, and get out in the street with my ass hanging out to get the bolt in the hole on the pedal and hold it in place with my foot, until I got to my street, all of this quick like ninja before the light turned green again. I didn’t want that bitch behind me to honk at me again and get her ass beat.

Pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! the kids have vowed to never ride in the Bug again until it is all done. HaHaHaHa!

We need to get working on the Bug! We were all pumped up at first, and now it has just fizzled. Maybe more for me then Jeremy. He was messing around on Photoshop after seeing this website about “photochopping”. So he was chopping the roof, and making it lower, and I kinda liked it. Actually, I really liked how it looked…but I don’t think we need to get all crazy chopping the bug, and I really don’t want the roof sitting on top of my head. He can do that when he gets his own bug. HaHa! Even though he did buy this one. LOL! It’s mine, all mine.

Anyway, we got a side mirror today. Jeremy had bought it on eBay, and the photo showed two mirrors, but I guess the writing said it was for one, and to state which side you wanted through paypal, then the next sentences was I do not except Paypal. Idiot. Who sells on eBay at this point and does not take Paypal???