Do you ever have one of those days or a few days where you are just down and sad? When you think about your life your eyes fill with tears, and they just kind of fall out of your eyes onto your lap? Am I the only person who is disappointed with how her life is in almost every single aspect?

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Here, I go again! I don’t know what I’m thinking except I’ve missed doing the 365 Day project. I really, really, really want to complete it though, and complete it good and make a book. Dammit!

Wish me luck!

If you follow my Flickr stream you already know, but we got a new puppy last Saturday, June 21, 2008.

Yes, we are completely fucking nuts, and are totally irresponsible. It was bound to happen at some point. Usually, we are able to come to our sense before we jump. However, this time the guys were letting everyone pick up the puppies. Touch them, and love on them. It was also hot as hell, like 107 degrees. So, I’m sure that lead to the temporary lapse in judgment also.

So, it has been 9 days. Which have flown by really fast. I think a lot of it was because my sister was down. She’s gained over 2 pounds, and I think she looks fuller. I took her to the vet last week, and he said she looked about 5 weeks, and not 3 weeks. So, I don’t know how old she is. LOL!

She has went from sleeping all day long, minus about 15 minutes a day, to sleeping in 2-4 hour increments, with boughts of being awake for 15 minutes- 1 hour.

Right now she is “nursing” on Betty. Betty’s boobies at the bottom seem to look big, like real boobs! I don’t know if she is lactating or what? Annabelle keeps going for the same nipple, and it’s all pink/red and sore looking. Yet, Betty just lays there like a new Mama…letting the baby suck away.

Annabelle pees more then anything I have ever seen in all my life. More pee then you would think could come out of her little body. It’s crazy. It’s getting kind of annoying too. today, I need to sanitize my floor, because she has pee’d and pooped everywhere. Oh there she went to piss some more on the carpet right now.. Mmmm. Great!

She’s pee’d on my bed twice. The last time was this morning. Jeremy just washed the bedding yesterday. Great. I have those god awful pee pads all over my house.

She is drinking formula, that costs $20 a can for. She uses one of those every 4 days. Got her some wet food, and dry food to soak in water. she seems to like those both also.

Last night, I made her this little bed out of those plastic shoe boxes that you organize with. I put her blankie in there, along with a wee wee pad…just in case she pee’d on the way to get the kids. I thought the box would be more sturdy, and less movement for her. She threw up all over my shirt and the side of my jeans. I didn’t realize until it felt really warm in those spots and it smelled of formula really strongly. It was formula mixed with wet food. Mmmm. It didn’t really phase me. I looked in the box, and apparently it saved me. There was about a cup of vomit in the box. I just got a little bit of it on me.

It’s sorta like having a baby, except this baby pisses and shits all over your floor. I thought I was getting when she had to pee. Like whenever she woke up, she was going to pee. Now, she does this huge pee where ever, but if I’m lucky it will be half on the wee wee pad, and half off. Half the clean up! Yay! Then does these little pee’s all over the place. It’s driving me nuts!

She’s really cute though!!! HaHa!

I also am not loving the fact that I have to time every single thing around when she sleeps, and eats. Oh, she is going to want to eat in 1 1/2 hours, we gotta wait! Even for bed!

The past 2 nights, I have kept the door to the crate off, so she can pee on the pee pad outside the crate…rather then in her bed. Yesterday, she woke up, and pee’d on the carpet by the pee pad. Then cried, until I woke up and got her. This morning, I wake up, and I don’t see her anywhere. I am freaking out trying find her in my half sleeping stupor. I looking under the kids beds, behind doors, She’s nowhere. There was a comforter on the couch from when my sister stayed. The dogs have pushed it practically all on the floor. I’m calling Annabelle’s name. Betty come running out of the bedroom, and starts sniffing. Sure enough, 30 seconds later she has sniffed her out in the comforter completely covered.

As cute as puppies are, they sure are a lot of work. More work then I want to do. I think this is going to be the last puppy I ever get though. At least this young. When we got Betty, she was already 3 months old, and while a puppy…she ate regular food, went potty outside, and was just a lot easier!

I think I’ve uttered one “I really miss taking self portraits!” Since I abruptly gave up in April on Day 297. Today, would have been my very last day of the project. My last self portrait to finish out my 366th day. What a quitter I am! I really wish I would have stuck it out or quit sooner.

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Did anyone watch the Oprah show on Puppy Mills? It was on awhile back, and then there was another on sort of like an update or something yesterday possibly?

Well, I  recorded the origin show. I usually record Oprah, and delete the ones I don’t care about. So, I’ve had the puppy mill show on there for quite some time. I’d be looking for something to watch, and I’d go through the Oprah shows, and pass over that particular show. I wanted to watch it, but when I thought about it I got a knot in my stomach.

It recorded again yesterday or something, and it was at the top. There was nothing else on, so I pressed play. I started out covering my eyes. I watched a lot of the first 10 minutes like that. Then when I watched there was a lot of groaning, and me saying things like “I fucking hate people!”.

Then there was the happy parts where the man who rescues these dogs, takes them to the rescue, they get medical care, and groomed and adopted. Yay!

THEN! The show takes you to Fort Worth, TX. to a shelter. The guy there shows you the process of how they Euthenise the dogs. From the process of picking out the dog, they show the dog, he marks his card with a red “E”, and if that dog isn’t adopted that day…the next morning they are put to sleep, they show that mornings process “Let’s start with cage 1″, you see them going to get the dog. Then they show you them putting a dog down…I think…my face were covered with my hands as I sobbed.

I cried hard, and it was the saddest thing ever. I really can’t understand how people can do that. I understand that there are a lot of dogs out there, and what is the shelter going to do with the dog?

Yet, still it is so sad. It’s heart wrenchingly sad for me to watch dogs or animals in general to be mistreated. To me mistreated is leaving your dog in your backyard it’s whole life like it’s a plant or something, even if it’s had a dog house. Obviously mistreatment of dogs gets far, far worse then that…but I still feel really bad for those dogs left in yards or chains.

Before we got Betty, we went to a couple animal shelters in the Valley to look at the dogs and give them love. It seemed like at least 1/4 of the shelters was Pit Bulls. Same on Oprah. Every shelter they showed, had at least 2 Pit Bulls in the line of runs they went down. We spent time with all the Pit Bulls there, because you know the chances of them being adopted by a nice loving family is slim to none. Especially the really big guys who look a little intimidating, even though they are just a much love bugs as the chihuahua down the way.

I never really know what my passions are, or what I want to do with my life. I’m 32, shouldn’t I know this? Anyway, I do know that animals are a huge passion for me. They always have been. I like animals better then people. Dogs are my favorite though. I feel like I have a connection with them.

I’ve wanted to volunteer at a shelter and walk the dogs, and give them love. I just can’t bring myself to do it though. It’s emotionally draining going to the pound for me. It bums me out, and makes me sad. I get choked up as I leave, and feel like a jerk that I can’t bring them all home with me and give them love, and a warm comfy house to sleep in.

I think I could volunteer at a rescue at least they aren’t being squirted with a hose as their run gets cleaned out of the poop and urine. A place where the dogs are treated with kindness and love. So, even though they don’t have a home or a family they aren’t being mistreated.

So, I’m going to find a pit bull rescue that Jeremy and I can go volunteer at on the weekends.

I have been extra lazy all week. I didn’t do a single thing around the house. Not one, besides cook dinner all week…which was all grilled and easy!

I finally tackled the mountain of dishes in the sink and counter. Seriously, everything we use regularly was dirty besides 1 spoon. An hour later, they were clean! Yay! I hate doing dishes by hand though. It takes so long, and I get all hot and sweaty. I also am dumbfounded on why I wait so long to do them, rather then take 10 minutes at night to do them all.

I’ve washed the kids clothes, got their bag all packed. I’m waiting on their whites to finish so I can put some socks in there for Chase.

These is a couple fly’s in the house. One keeps landing on Betty. It’s annoying the hell out of her. Everytime it lands on her butt, she jumps and turns around all fast trying to catch it. It’s cracking me up.

Here she is waiting for that mofo fly to land on her again. She wants it dead. Ha!

Jeremy just got home about 10 minutes ago. I need to grill some hot dogs and sausages for the kids and us, and then we are headed to L.A. to drop them off, but first we are going to go and hang out with my brother and Agnes!!! She just flew in from Paris on Tuesday, and called me this afternoon to come hang out. So, I am excited about that. I haven’t seen her in a couple years. After the kids leave we will hang out for a while…maybe do something.

So, that’s cool.

My Madre is coming down June 12-15th, then my sister is coming down the 18th-27th…then I am flying to North Carolina July 5th-12th. I can’t wait to go and visit! I just wish Jeremy could go with me, because I will miss him so while I am gone.

Anyway, that is all.

The weather that I hate the most is wind. I hate how it blows my hair around, and dries my lips out. Right now the wind is blowing so hard, and whipping trees and stuff all around. I hate hearing a crash in the garage area, and knowing I have to go out there to put my clothes in the dryer and then go get them out again. So, I call the dogs out there with me and tease them with “Wanna go for a ride?”

Last night we went to bed super late, as we were waiting for the comforters to dry. We had to wash them because Chillee is starting to leak urine. It’s not her fault, it’s just she is getting old. Soooo, the other day Jeremy grabbed the comforter and pulled it up and we both got such a strong smell of urine. How gross, huh? Luckily we have seperate blankets, and I wasn’t using that one! Oh and we have separate blankets because, I have this really heavy leopard blanket that is fuzzy and soft. Jeremy hates it because he gets super hot. I however can have 10 blankets on top of me at night and be good. So, if I want to use my blanket, I have to use it alone. So, I usually cover with the leopard, and then the 2 down comforters. Yet, one comforter was out of commission from pee leaking, and so, Jeremy just was using his old down comforter.

So, anyway we go to bed, and my blanket is still damp. Warm but damp. Jeremy didn’t clean out the lint filter. Then the dogs both run from the room barking. So I made Jeremy get up and check shit out. He didn’t find a killer outside, but as I layed in bed, I swore someone was out there. Luckily, I woke up this morning and my kids were still in the room. I guess he was right!

My dogs are so dang lazy, man! At this moment Chillee is sleeping quietly under the side table, her “dog house”. Betty is seriously sawing logs over on the couch, complete with head on the pillow. I’ve never heard a dog snore so damn loud before. She sounds like a big sleeping man with a major snoring problem. When we first got her she was 3 months old, and I remember the first day after having her for like 4 hours and she was snoring the most ever, and was super hot. I was worried she had a fever, and something was wrong with her, maybe. No, she just runs really warm, and snores the loudest ever. On the nights when Jeremy’s snoring is out of control, and keeping me awake…I can nudge him. He will stop for a minute. Okay, like 30 seconds. Betty however, she won’t stop snoring. You can nudge her and she doesn’t care.

This morning was funny. Betty has slept in between Jeremy and I since we got her. She prefers to sleep right up against me, with he head on me. It’s been really cold at night, and we don’t have central heat. So, I usually throw my blanket over her to warm me up. So, this morning we (Betty & I) are spooning…because we love each other like that. I had just rolled over to cuddle with her, and was just falling back to sleep, when Jeremy rolls over, and is obviously cold, and steals my dog from me!!! He just grabs her and pulls her into him and cuddles with her. So, I had  crack an eye open and let him know he stole my dog! LOL! It was pretty funny.

So, I have to go an pick up my brother from the airport today. He’s on his way home from a month long visit with his girlfriend in Paris. I was watching his cute little dog, and well it’s time to for her to go back to her small, dark, dungeon apartment in the concrete jungle that in Los Angeles. I’m sure she’s going to be really happy to see my brother again, but I bet she’s going to miss it here. The ability to just go out the doggie door and go potty or sniff around. The other dogs to be annoyed by or have ball fetching competition’s with. Space to run around in and not dark, cramped quarters. I feel kinda sad for her that she has to go back, because I think she actually likes it here. Maybe my brother will over shadow that though. I’m sure she will be really excited to see him.

I need to go buy her some food too. My brother sent a huge bag and it’s gone. It’s been gone actually. Apparently her food tasted like the best food ever to my dogs. It was like candy they couldn’t stop eatting. So, I gotta go buy a little bag. I’ve had to replace her collar and leash so far, because my dog decided we were gone much to long, and we would be punished by her chewing the leash and collar into 2 pieces.

I’ve come to the conclusion though that dogs don’t miss their humans. Well maybe they do if they are lost or something, but if there are other people around who are nice and loving, I don’t think they think about them at all.You know they remember though, the second they see you.

My brother’s dog is a little schipperke. They are funny little dogs. When my brother first got her, she ws literally this little black fluffy ball with dark beady eyes and a small pointy snout. I remember taking her with me in the car to get fast food once, and the people at the drive thru asked me if she was a cat. It old them no, and they were all “Well what is it?” Ha.

I’ve never known her to be a “lap dog”. She is usually very high energy. If you ask her “Where’s your ball?” or “Get your ball!” She will run around my brother’s little studio apartment looking in every nook and cranny for her ball, until she finds it. However, since she has been here, she has been super duper lap dog. She wants to sit in my lap all day long.

She imediately decided that she was comfortable under one of the dinign room chairs. So, I went and got a little blanket, folded it up, and placed it in that spot for her to lay on. She then dug around and made a little nest…and slept there all night long.

Yesterday, I went and got her a little dog bed, that is velour and comfy. So, she slept there last night. I wanted to make her stay her as comfortable as possible.

I am a complete and utter dog lover. I love everythig about them, except the poop and gross stuff…but I tend to like them better then most people. I love all dogs, big, small. Whatever. So, I don’t mind watching my brother’s dog. Although it’s a total pain in the ass. I just tend to worry about her being sad or scared. It seriously makes me feel bad for her. So, that is the biggest pain in the ass of it all. Plus, she just kind of looks sad.

Maury is almost human like. when you talk to her, she looks at you like she understands everything you are saying to her. She looks at you and it’s liek she’s telling you something. Her mouth, opens a little bit, and displays a bottom row of white teeth. She will howl with you. I LOVE THAT! If you have food, she will stand on her back legs, like a human. I want to make her a pink tutu. He chest has thick black hair on it, but her belly is bare, and she practically has real breasts. HaHa! She has no tail, and hair on her back legs that fan out across her back end. Soft pointy ears, and feet that look like little stars, that she likes you to rub. She will give you a kiss if you ask, but only one. Not like Betty, who will rape your face.

My baby Betty is the jealous type. She get’s jealous when you pet Chillee, our older dog. So, she was having issues last night…with Maury sitting in my lap all night. Plus, I got Betty & Maury these little dog, dog toys. Betty was running up and grabbing every toy Maury had dropped. I won’t let Betty have Maury’s little rabbit stuffed toy, and she was totally giving me the hairy eyeball. She wouldn’t even kiss me.

I was sure I was going to have to put all the toys up, but after a nights rest, I think they are better today.