176:365
December 24, 2008
Wednesday
Christmas Eve

View On Black

We like to say "Olé" like the whitest white people. It cracks me up. Do it out loud, right now. It’s fun. Jeremy does this little jump with his hands, and I die from laughter.

You may ask yourself "What is up with that Christmas tree branch hanging from the ceiling with ornaments on it doing in the picture?"

Nobody knows. Just go with it.

For a long time now, I’ve been one to drift off, not post, not feel it, feel ignored, be bored with the internet in general. So, I wouldn’t post. Sometimes for months and months. Then I would always pop back in and get back into the swing of things. Always during my times of absence, I would pop in and read what was going on in the lives of people I’ve known practically my son’s entire life, so I was up to date with whatever was going on with them.

We’ll I went to go read today, and lo and behold I have been kicked out of 2 forums. Ha! I assume so they can talk shit about me now, because I’ve never been kicked out before.

So, yeah anyway, Merry fucking Christmas too you too, asshole who deleted me. How about you try to get in contact with me before you just delete me?

What the fuck ever man. 12 years, and I get no notice. That is what kills me. It’s not like I uh, have known these people for a few months. I really don’t see any excuse for that at all. None. It’s a fucked up thing to do. I can think of a few ways to get in contact with me before I get deleted. Myspace, Flickr, a comment here, or Email. So, that tells me that I wasn’t wanted there regardless…and I’m sure there is some shit talking going on.

Apparently, it is time for me to move on…and with my many changes I am going to go through this next year, I suppose that is one more. Say goodbye to all those woman I was in contact with for 12 years.

So adios!

So, I’m sitting at the table on my laptop going through pictures, and listening to Radiohead. My back is towards the kitchen. Jeremy is to my right about 10 feet on the couch. He’s facing towards the kitchen watching t.v.. I can see him in my peripheral vision. So, I’m sitting here, and I see this dark shadow walking towards me from inthe direction of the t.v., and I don’t look up, and I thinking it’s Jeremy, only I can see Jeremy sitting on the couch from the corner of my eye. So, I’m trying to compute this, and this shadow is like 3 feet away from me, so I get startled, and I inhale and let out a “Uhhhhhhhh.” and throw my left hand up as if to stop someone from getting closer.

The thought process was so fast, that I had to go over what just happened. I am so totally creeped out right now. Especially after all of Chase’s ghost talk.

Then, Jeremy says “Maybe it’s your Dad.” I got the chills and said “Uh, Dad if that was you, can you not show yourself, because it freaks me out. Come to me in my dreams. Thanks!”

I’m creeped out!

Anyway, I have an itching for a new camera. Just a newer better version of mine. Nothing crazy. My poor camera, I haven’t taken ver good care of it. The dog knocked my tripod down and broke the battery compartment door, and the other day my tripod leg just broke out of nowhere, and I watched as my camera slammed to the ground. Luckily it still works or I’d cry.

I can’t get this dam camera outta my head. I need it so bad it hurts. Ha!

In no particular order…

1. Take 5 pictures a day that are not self portraits.
2. Appreciate what I have.
3. Live in the moment.
4. Love myself by taking care of myself.
(no smoking, eat right, get exercise, laugh more, be mad less)
5. Show my family that I love them regularly.
6. Have a clean & organized house.
7. Listen to more music.
8. Walk the dogs at least once a day.
9. Eat in more than out and at the table as a family.
10. Be on the computer less.

I’ve been so lucky the past few days. It’s been rainy, overcast and cold. Today we got super windy added to the mix. I don’t really mind the wind when it’s rainy, I however don’t like it much when it’s warm or sunny. Simi Valley seems to have more wind than any place I’ve ever lived.

I thinks it’s a beautiful day out today, and I don’t understand how people hate the rain. It makes me happy. I hate driving in it, but I even found when I worked, I enjoyed working more on rainy days.

I want to sit around all cozy & warm, sipping coffee, and eating soup.

I hope one day I can move to Washington, someplace where it rains all the time. I was born in the wrong state.

I also have a major headache right now. I don’t likey headaches either.

I’m trying to brainstorm an idea for my picture today. I’d like to get the picture taken before oh, midnight. I actually just want to edit it. I have an idea, which I tried to do last night but bombed. So, I had to do a different one, which I will post after this. The other idea, I’m not sure how I will execute it exactly. I think I took 200 pictures last night trying to get all the elements I needed. I want to do a shot of me jumping down a hole in a cloud. I need my hair flying up, I need my dress showing some movement, my arms up, and then make a hole in the cloud that looks realistic. I need a trampoline for the jumping. It hurts to jump off of chairs onto the hard ground barefoot.

I also want to take a picture of both of my kids like my last picture. Then of one of us together, then frame it them. We will see if I can get them to cooperate. They never want to take pictures when I want them too.

I’m pretty positive I’ve blogged this same thing before, probably about the same people. Ha!

There is this one chick, and holy shit is she annoying. At first I liked her pictures, but they are all pretty much shit nowadays. Then, with every single picture this girl posts she bitches about SOMETHING. It’s never just normal bitching like “Today was kinda shitty, because I woke up in a bad mood.” Oh, no. It’s like a family member died, and she doesn’t even know how she will go on with her life without her Aunt. Yet, you never heard her ever talk about this aunt before who lives in another state far away, ever. Then the next day she is so depressed she can’t even get out of bed. She’s so terrified that she is going to lose everyone she loves. They are all going to die. Then she will complain the next day how she is so depressed because her Aunt died, and now she can’t go to California for her birthday to visit her best friend (who is almost just as annoying) who she met on Flickr, and her 21st birthday is going to be SO horrible because she has to stay at home, with her parent’s and brother. Waaaah! Well if your so fearful your family is going to die and leave you, maybe you should enjoy spending time with them for your birthday. Then she has scoliosis. Which I have no idea what that feels like, and I’ve heard it can be painful. So, add that onto her everyday complaints. Her back hurts, and she is always out of painkillers. Never has painkillers. When she does it’s like she gets 2 from the doctor, and then she is so drugged up she can’t get out of bed for days. Then she has no painkillers. She get addicted to her painkillers, too. She is also depressed. She has been suicidal. Now, today she is having bad dreams again, and sleep paralysis. Seriously. She has sleep paralysis. Then she dyed her hair pink, and now people discriminate against her with her pink hair and her pierced nose and lip. Even her family. Her Grandma even tried to pay her to dye her hair a normal color, and she was like OMG so offended!

Oh yeah she’s “bi-sexual” also. So, she just cried, and cried, and cried for like days because of all the Propositions that passed in the various states opposed to gay marriage. Then took to bitching under a shitty picture about how she is a second class citizen now, and can’t marry who she wants. Yeah. It’s like please shut the fuck up. I guarantee you will grow up and marry a man, if one can even stand to listen to your complaints and drugged out nights on painkillers. I guarantee your days lesbian sex are numbered. I bet you’ve only had it a few times, and I can almost say with 100% certainty that you are not a lesbian, but a confused girl who used to have a boyfriend, and does anything she can to get attention.

She can’t work because of her back. She can’t go to school because of her back. She can’t take pictures anymore because of her back, yet she could like a year ago. Then when people started leaving comments and she got a following her pictures went to shit, and she started complaining more and more. Everything has stayed the same and have gone down hill at the same time for her.

Dude, I do not exaggerate all this crap. Ha! True shit! She says all this shit. It’s almost funny at this point. Before I click on her picture, I try to think of what could be wrong today. It’s a game almost. I know this is way, way bitchy. I realize, but I am way, way bitchy. Plus, I have no sympathy for idiots. You have to realize that every single day you complain about SOMETHING. Wouldn’t you think to yourself, “Wow, I’m kinda annoying! I complain on a daily basis. I never have a good day, ever, well except when I have lesbian sex and I want to let the whole web know I licked pussy last night, but yeah, I sure complain excessively.”

Then the people that everyday leave her comments, and hugs, and sympathies. Do they not see that she fucking feeds on that shit. She loves it. That’s why she does it. She wants attention. That’s why she has bright pink hair, and a major piercing in her nose, than the lip, why she’s ‘bisexual” and wears rainbows, why she tells everyone about her lesbian sex.

I bet a million dollars that if everyone stopped leaving her {hug} comments, she would start taking decent pictures again, and stop all the bitching.

This picture:

While I realize this isn’t the most original picture, she has one with her husband, and they are both wearing jeans, and black shirts, holding hands, even standing on the same sides, with their heads cut off. I think maybe her’s you can see their feet…and she added outlets to either side of them. All of her pictures are taken a couple months after mine. I added her as a contact a couple/few months ago, and commented on a few of her pictures, but she never added me back. I think it’s because she’s ripping my shit off.

She has one that looks like this sorta:

Then I was looking at her newest picture a while back, and Jeremy said “Hey, that looks like one of your pictures! Is she copying you?!” I hadn’t even mentioned it.

That was for this picture:

Then! today her newest picture totally resembles this one:

Except she is sitting on the ground, tied to a tree with the same kinda rope, wearing a dress. She also has a wheelbarrow thrown in there also, which I also have in another of one of my picture.

Shit. I would think it was just a coincidence if say any of her shots resembling mine were taken before mine or before I added her as a contact. Then by not adding me as a contact back, she didn’t have to acknowledge me, and could take my ideas. Poop face!

Don’t get me wrong, she takes decent self portraits, she doesn’t suck…but my favorite is that I don’t think she is better than me, and she will get like a hundred comments telling her how brilliant she is and blah, blah, blah. I’m kinda jealous that I don’t get the traffic that other people get. I wonder what they do that gets so much traffic? I swear my position in life is to be the least popular human being in all the land. I wanna be popular dammit! Why don’t people love me?

Ha!

Anyway, it’s oh 3:10 am, and I’ve been editting a picture for HOURS. It’s pretty fucking rad, but I have to finish it up tomorrow with a rested head.

Nighty Night.

131:365
November 9, 2008
Sunday

View On Black

They love me like I was a brother
They protect me, listen to me
They dug me my very own garden
Gave me sunshine, made me happy

Nice dream, nice dream, nice dream

I call up my friend, the good angel
But she’s out with her answerphone
She says she would love to come help but
The sea would electrocute us all

Nice dream

If you think that you’re strong enough
If you think you belong enough
If you think that you’re strong enough
If you think you belong enough

Nice dream