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November 7, 2008
Friday

Calm, Fitter, healthier and more productive. A pig in a cage on antibiotics.

“Song” by Radiohead. This video is really good too done by a guy not in Radiohead.

I am really looking forward to summer vacation! The not having to get up early every morning and make lunches, and rush around yelling at the kids to hurry up. Can’t wait. However, I’m nervous as always about sitting here all day with the kids. chase has a tendency to want to sit inside all day long playing video games, which isn’t cool with me. Sheldyn likes playing outside as long as there are neighbor kids to play with.

I decided though that I was going to enroll Sheldyn in Gymnastics over the summer, and Chase is going to take some guitar lessons. Something to do to break up the week a little, and have fun with. I really wish Chase would go take some sort of acting class though. I swear he acts all the time. Everything is exaggerated or he adds onto it. He’s a natural. Ha! I know Shelydn is really excited. Chase, eh, he doesn’t really show much excitement for anything unless it’s a video game or something.

Here’s a dumb little video of me doing my makeup. How I wish it were really that fast.

How I wish it were really that fast.

I just dowloaded Matchbox 20’s first album. I had it, but it got super scratched up, and some Sublime. That got scratched up too. After ruining sooooo many CD’s, I started takig care of the few I had left.

Anyway, right now I’m listening to Matchbox 20. I used to be obsessed with them. I loooved them. I looooved Rob Thomas. I had such a crush on him. I even went and saw them once. Listening to it, takes me back to like 1996/1997. Living in my old apartment with baby Chase, being a new stay at home Mom. We were so poor and so young…but made ends meet. I actually remember it as being a happy time in my life. Adjusting to motherhood was a very easy adjustment for me. I was a good Mommy, and I remember taking lots of pictures of Chase. I’d pose him with all his stuffed animals or Doddie our Basset Hound, get him all dressed up. I used to be so on top of cleaning. The apartment was pretty much spotless with all our mismatched hand-me-down furniture. We only had one car, so we were pretty much stuck at home all day. My sister would walk home from Jr. High to our house to hang out with us. Those were the days of going grocery shopping, and checking out only to find out ATM card was rejected. It would be so embarrasing. So, they would wheel our cart into the back refridgerator and save it for us until the next day when I could borrow some money from my Mom until we got money to pay her back. That happened about 3 times. Or writing a check, hoping to God it didn’t go through until we had the money in the bank. Those were the days of a young couple just starting out.

Then I was listening to Sublime. That takes me back to a crazy time in my life. It was polar opposite of the time I listened to Matchbox 20. I left my husband, we were still living together, and I was on a path of complete selfishness and a bit of destruction. I was drinking a lot, and every single day I was drunk. I went through the motions of being a Mom, but I really wasn’t there. I made sure I was home, even though my day was pretty much spent out on my patio chain smoking, and writing in my journal. I didn’t leave at night until my kids were in bed sleeping…even though I was probably drinking since 5 p.m. I know the drinking was a way to cover up any sort of feeling I had, to get through the whole experience. I remember feeling dead inside. There was no emotion from me at all. I didn’t cry, I didn’t feel bad for anything I was doing. Which was not me. I was a very emotional person, and to go from feeling to much to nothing at all, was odd. I remember thinking how weird it was, to watch the ex break down crying, and pleading with me to stay with him, and it did nothing to me. I didn’t feel sad, I didn’t feel happy. I literally felt nothing. I think it was what I had to do to be able to get out of the marriage. I had to kill every feeling, and just go on autopilot. Although, I obviously was in pain. It was apparent by my actions. So, drowning them in a drunken haze was the answer. All the times, I was trashed and drove home. I am so lucky I never killed myself or someone else. So, so lucky. So, Sublime takes me back to a pretty sad time in my life. A time where it was filled with freedom, lonliness, sadness, confusion, and uncertainty. Even though at the time, I was thinking I was having a great time. I look back and cringe on the things I did. Seriously, I cringe!!! You know how people say they don’t regret things in their past, because it makes them who they are? Well, I regret numerous things I did, that did nothing to make me who I am today. I did things that I would never do with a clear mind. Things that aren’t even me or in my character. God, it makes me sick, and I would take it all back if I could. I would have approached the whole situation in such a different way. Although, I think the way I was and acted lead me to Jeremy. It really was a shot in the dark to find him, and we never, ever would have met if I wasn’t who I was then. So, that is the only good thing that came out of it.

Funny, now I don’t drink at all! I had a few beers on Thanksgiving, and before that on my Birthday.

While listening to The Doors tonight on the way to get the kids, I realized once again, that Jim Morrison’s voice is the only voice that when listening to the music, that I can stop singing along with and just listen. I’m not sure why exactly, except that I find it really beautiful. It can be soft, soothing, loud, rough, & high. I’ve never heard someone be able to scream, and it actually sound good, but he could. There is so much feeling in his voice, and the way he pronounce’s words, is something I’ve always loved. He clearly says his words.

I’m really, really, loving listening to The Doors again. The music inspires me. It gets the creative juices flowing, and gives me the feeling like anything is possible. Maybe, I am just really weird. Maybe I did to much acid when I was a teenager. When I was younger and doing acid, I often thought of The Doors as my religion. It was like listening to hymns for me. That sounds ridiculous, I am sure to everyone out there, but I don’t care. That is how I felt. I pretty much grew into an adult with things I realized while on acid, and also all my years listening to The Doors. I’d say it is a huge part of where my  beliefs came from.

Anyway, I don’t want to sound like a complete freak, but maybe I am. Either way, I don’t care…because I really like me. So whatever.

Last night, I stayed up until 6 am. Why, I have no idea, except I wasn’t tired at all, and I somehow got onto another’s Door’s kick. If you’ve known me for awhile, you know about my love for The Door’s music and Jim Morrison. The Door’s are my “foundation” for music. I listened to them every single day for 11 years straight! I know I listened to a few other things hear and there, but my favorite and always faithful Doors’ was my main interest. That is a long time to listen to a band. I’ve been to a signing with the surviving Doors’ and even went to a Door’s concert minus Jim…which really isn’t a Doors concert…but as close as I could get. I’ve been to countless Wild Child shows, a Door’s tribute band…which is the closest thing your going to get to seeing Jim Morrison perform live. Those shows were always so good, and I just loved them.
I found that during that time of listening to the music, I would go through periods of writing poetry, and drawing. It inspired me. After an 11 year stint, my life went a little crazy, and I started listening to Sublime, and The Descendants.  I kinda left The Door’s by the way side, although I still loved it. So since then I go through phases where I get all worked up about them again, and start reading stuff on the internet, and listening to the music. That happened last night. Oh, I know how it happened. I was looking at pictures on Flickr, and somehow ran across this guys picture of the Six Feet Under house. I then wandered around the net looking for the address. Which I kinda found, and then somehow found “The Door’s Los Angeles Guide” which basically shows you pictures of every haunt known that Jim Morrison or The Door’s went to. There is also a Paris & New York one. I’ve seen this website a lot of times, and have even gone to some of the more well known places. Sort of a mini tour if you will. So, I jotted down some addresses, and today we packed up the dogs, went and bought them seat belts (because we love them like that!), and drove to LA, and tried to find some places. My list was pretty shitty, so we only found  John Densmore & Robby Krieger’s old house in Laurel Canyon, which was Jim Morrison’s permanent address in 1968, I think. He also wrote People are Strange there. On the way up the hill this Audi was behind us, and I was annoyed because I wanted to take a picture. So we pass the house, and turn around…and the Audi had pulled in the driveway and was knocking on the door. Ha! I took a picture anyway, and the lady was looking right at me.

Then we went to Jim’s old girlfriend’s old apartment where she died of a heroin overdose. We walked up the street and let the dogs go pee…then we went to the Six Feet Under house.

Little did we know we were driving to the ghetto, called Jefferson Park. The house was there and huge, and it was kinda crazy seeing it in person. There were a bunch of black guys walking their huge pitbulls with chains (grrr!), and it was just kinda scary. So we looked, we saw, we got the hell out of dodge.

Oh!Last night on my Jim Morrison binge, I was reading the New York Guide, and it said Patricia Kennealy Morrison, this was the one who had the witch wedding with Jim Morrison. I have read her book she wrote about her life with Jim now less then 5 times. Then when I wanted to know more about Paganism, I’d buy books and read them, and somehow her name or Jim Morrison’s name would always pop up in the books I’d buy to my surprise! I even almost wrote her once, because I liked her book and she fascinated me for some reason. So, I look her up, and I see she has a myspace. I go there, and read her page, and write her and request to be her friend, and she writes me back! How cool it that??? I thought it was pretty damn cool! She seems like if you say the wrong thing to her, she will de-friend you and hate you, but I want to just bombarded her with questions!!! I will refrain, I suppose!

Anyway, that was my day. Fun, fun.

   

Originally uploaded by buffer.

So I’ve been looking at engagment rings again. I ran across this site from a some Pay Per Poster’s. Come to find out…Jeremy can buy me this ring with a wonderful 1.54 ct princess cut, and the setting…for a decent amount of money, but not outrageous. Anyway…with this site you can design your own ring, pick out the diamond seperately, and pick out what ever setting you want. They also have lay-away!!! So he can make 5 payments on the ring!!! How cool is that! I mean for me anyway. I think I love this ring! I think I want this particular one on my hand for the rest of my life! Off to look some more, just in case I find something I like better!

Originally uploaded by buffer.

So this weekend we went to La and searched for Glenn Danzig’s house! We found it, and it’s crazy looking. I mean it looks like a haunted house. It would be great to have for Halloween!

In the front there is a pile of bricks. I guess from his old chimney from the Northridge earthquake. So I guess his neighbors complained and were suing him over it. And supposidly he won, and he just left them there!

The plants are growing up all over the house! There is actually a window in the front there! The roof is being tore up from that shit! I would love to see the inside of his house! I bet it is Halloween 24/7 in there. Kinda like Jeremy’s house used to look. LOL!

So, it was a Danzig obsessed weekend over here in this house for me. I also discovered You Tube. I mean I’ve know about You Tube, but never checked it out. So I saw I could watch video’s and interviews! So exciting!!!