For a long time now, I’ve been one to drift off, not post, not feel it, feel ignored, be bored with the internet in general. So, I wouldn’t post. Sometimes for months and months. Then I would always pop back in and get back into the swing of things. Always during my times of absence, I would pop in and read what was going on in the lives of people I’ve known practically my son’s entire life, so I was up to date with whatever was going on with them.

We’ll I went to go read today, and lo and behold I have been kicked out of 2 forums. Ha! I assume so they can talk shit about me now, because I’ve never been kicked out before.

So, yeah anyway, Merry fucking Christmas too you too, asshole who deleted me. How about you try to get in contact with me before you just delete me?

What the fuck ever man. 12 years, and I get no notice. That is what kills me. It’s not like I uh, have known these people for a few months. I really don’t see any excuse for that at all. None. It’s a fucked up thing to do. I can think of a few ways to get in contact with me before I get deleted. Myspace, Flickr, a comment here, or Email. So, that tells me that I wasn’t wanted there regardless…and I’m sure there is some shit talking going on.

Apparently, it is time for me to move on…and with my many changes I am going to go through this next year, I suppose that is one more. Say goodbye to all those woman I was in contact with for 12 years.

So adios!

In no particular order…

1. Take 5 pictures a day that are not self portraits.
2. Appreciate what I have.
3. Live in the moment.
4. Love myself by taking care of myself.
(no smoking, eat right, get exercise, laugh more, be mad less)
5. Show my family that I love them regularly.
6. Have a clean & organized house.
7. Listen to more music.
8. Walk the dogs at least once a day.
9. Eat in more than out and at the table as a family.
10. Be on the computer less.

I’ve been so lucky the past few days. It’s been rainy, overcast and cold. Today we got super windy added to the mix. I don’t really mind the wind when it’s rainy, I however don’t like it much when it’s warm or sunny. Simi Valley seems to have more wind than any place I’ve ever lived.

I thinks it’s a beautiful day out today, and I don’t understand how people hate the rain. It makes me happy. I hate driving in it, but I even found when I worked, I enjoyed working more on rainy days.

I want to sit around all cozy & warm, sipping coffee, and eating soup.

I hope one day I can move to Washington, someplace where it rains all the time. I was born in the wrong state.

I also have a major headache right now. I don’t likey headaches either.

I’m trying to brainstorm an idea for my picture today. I’d like to get the picture taken before oh, midnight. I actually just want to edit it. I have an idea, which I tried to do last night but bombed. So, I had to do a different one, which I will post after this. The other idea, I’m not sure how I will execute it exactly. I think I took 200 pictures last night trying to get all the elements I needed. I want to do a shot of me jumping down a hole in a cloud. I need my hair flying up, I need my dress showing some movement, my arms up, and then make a hole in the cloud that looks realistic. I need a trampoline for the jumping. It hurts to jump off of chairs onto the hard ground barefoot.

I also want to take a picture of both of my kids like my last picture. Then of one of us together, then frame it them. We will see if I can get them to cooperate. They never want to take pictures when I want them too.

I’m pretty positive I’ve blogged this same thing before, probably about the same people. Ha!

There is this one chick, and holy shit is she annoying. At first I liked her pictures, but they are all pretty much shit nowadays. Then, with every single picture this girl posts she bitches about SOMETHING. It’s never just normal bitching like “Today was kinda shitty, because I woke up in a bad mood.” Oh, no. It’s like a family member died, and she doesn’t even know how she will go on with her life without her Aunt. Yet, you never heard her ever talk about this aunt before who lives in another state far away, ever. Then the next day she is so depressed she can’t even get out of bed. She’s so terrified that she is going to lose everyone she loves. They are all going to die. Then she will complain the next day how she is so depressed because her Aunt died, and now she can’t go to California for her birthday to visit her best friend (who is almost just as annoying) who she met on Flickr, and her 21st birthday is going to be SO horrible because she has to stay at home, with her parent’s and brother. Waaaah! Well if your so fearful your family is going to die and leave you, maybe you should enjoy spending time with them for your birthday. Then she has scoliosis. Which I have no idea what that feels like, and I’ve heard it can be painful. So, add that onto her everyday complaints. Her back hurts, and she is always out of painkillers. Never has painkillers. When she does it’s like she gets 2 from the doctor, and then she is so drugged up she can’t get out of bed for days. Then she has no painkillers. She get addicted to her painkillers, too. She is also depressed. She has been suicidal. Now, today she is having bad dreams again, and sleep paralysis. Seriously. She has sleep paralysis. Then she dyed her hair pink, and now people discriminate against her with her pink hair and her pierced nose and lip. Even her family. Her Grandma even tried to pay her to dye her hair a normal color, and she was like OMG so offended!

Oh yeah she’s “bi-sexual” also. So, she just cried, and cried, and cried for like days because of all the Propositions that passed in the various states opposed to gay marriage. Then took to bitching under a shitty picture about how she is a second class citizen now, and can’t marry who she wants. Yeah. It’s like please shut the fuck up. I guarantee you will grow up and marry a man, if one can even stand to listen to your complaints and drugged out nights on painkillers. I guarantee your days lesbian sex are numbered. I bet you’ve only had it a few times, and I can almost say with 100% certainty that you are not a lesbian, but a confused girl who used to have a boyfriend, and does anything she can to get attention.

She can’t work because of her back. She can’t go to school because of her back. She can’t take pictures anymore because of her back, yet she could like a year ago. Then when people started leaving comments and she got a following her pictures went to shit, and she started complaining more and more. Everything has stayed the same and have gone down hill at the same time for her.

Dude, I do not exaggerate all this crap. Ha! True shit! She says all this shit. It’s almost funny at this point. Before I click on her picture, I try to think of what could be wrong today. It’s a game almost. I know this is way, way bitchy. I realize, but I am way, way bitchy. Plus, I have no sympathy for idiots. You have to realize that every single day you complain about SOMETHING. Wouldn’t you think to yourself, “Wow, I’m kinda annoying! I complain on a daily basis. I never have a good day, ever, well except when I have lesbian sex and I want to let the whole web know I licked pussy last night, but yeah, I sure complain excessively.”

Then the people that everyday leave her comments, and hugs, and sympathies. Do they not see that she fucking feeds on that shit. She loves it. That’s why she does it. She wants attention. That’s why she has bright pink hair, and a major piercing in her nose, than the lip, why she’s ‘bisexual” and wears rainbows, why she tells everyone about her lesbian sex.

I bet a million dollars that if everyone stopped leaving her {hug} comments, she would start taking decent pictures again, and stop all the bitching.

This picture:

While I realize this isn’t the most original picture, she has one with her husband, and they are both wearing jeans, and black shirts, holding hands, even standing on the same sides, with their heads cut off. I think maybe her’s you can see their feet…and she added outlets to either side of them. All of her pictures are taken a couple months after mine. I added her as a contact a couple/few months ago, and commented on a few of her pictures, but she never added me back. I think it’s because she’s ripping my shit off.

She has one that looks like this sorta:

Then I was looking at her newest picture a while back, and Jeremy said “Hey, that looks like one of your pictures! Is she copying you?!” I hadn’t even mentioned it.

That was for this picture:

Then! today her newest picture totally resembles this one:

Except she is sitting on the ground, tied to a tree with the same kinda rope, wearing a dress. She also has a wheelbarrow thrown in there also, which I also have in another of one of my picture.

Shit. I would think it was just a coincidence if say any of her shots resembling mine were taken before mine or before I added her as a contact. Then by not adding me as a contact back, she didn’t have to acknowledge me, and could take my ideas. Poop face!

Don’t get me wrong, she takes decent self portraits, she doesn’t suck…but my favorite is that I don’t think she is better than me, and she will get like a hundred comments telling her how brilliant she is and blah, blah, blah. I’m kinda jealous that I don’t get the traffic that other people get. I wonder what they do that gets so much traffic? I swear my position in life is to be the least popular human being in all the land. I wanna be popular dammit! Why don’t people love me?

Ha!

Anyway, it’s oh 3:10 am, and I’ve been editting a picture for HOURS. It’s pretty fucking rad, but I have to finish it up tomorrow with a rested head.

Nighty Night.

130:365
November 8, 2008
Saturday

View On Black

Radiohead- Nude

Don’t get any big ideas
They’re not gonna happen

You’ll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

My picture was inspired by the Radiohead song Nude. Which conveys my feelings about the Presidential election, all the people I see on the web, and anywhere who voted for Obama…perfectly.

I’m not trying to be all dooms day with my feelings about it. I wish so much that I felt happy about it, and felt that there was some radical change for the good going to happen like everyone else seems to. I can see how you would feel that way if you trusted our Government and felt like they were working for you, or if you never researched truths about them with an open mind. I know it feels safer to believe what they tell you, and what you want to hear. It’s almost unbelievable the things I read and watch. It sounds like crazy talk. If there weren’t things to back up the information I read and hear I wouldn’t believe it either.

If you have an open mind, please, I beg you to go research things. We need more people out there aware of the things that are going on right now. Things that aren’t going to benefit you or your children. Seriously scary things. I know I probably sound ridiculous and crazy. Prove me wrong.

If Ron Paul had made it all the way through and was our future President, I would be just as happy and giddy as all the Obama people are out there, because he truly would have made amazing changes to our country. He didn’t though, because of Media censorship. The media that was shoving McCain and mostly Obama down our throats. He was laughed at, at the debates, like he was a joke. He wasn’t given the same amount of time to talk as the other candidates. Why? I think because he was a threat. They didn’t want the American people to actually hear what he had to say. They laughed at him, so you would laugh at him. Lower his credibility with the people watching their televisions.

Obama was going to win the election regardless. Even if the votes were close with McCain, they would have manipulated the votes in his favor. Luckily for the shadow Government media did well this time, and really got to people and he won by a landslide. The only thing I find remotely cool about this election was that the American people voted for a black President, even if it was by media influence.

What people need to understand is Barack Obama is not going to make any of the changes you think he is. He doesn’t have that power. He is a mouth piece. This country is traveling down a road, and it’s not about to get off on the next exit in January. If McCain would have won, the country would still travel down the exact same road it’s going to travel with Obama. McCain is coke. Obama is pepsi. Different but still the same. They were choices, so you thought you had a choice. The only difference with Obama is that he is a Democrat. McCain would have appeared to be Bush light. He wouldn’t have been able to get away with as much as Obama is going to, because people are absolutely nuts over Obama. People are actually calling him a messiah, and a savior. That sounds like crazy talk to me.

If you think I sound like a whack job, please go watch this movie called Endgame. There are several others, but that’s a good one you can start with. Do a little research about what you hear in the movie, and then come tell me I’m an idiot. I’m almost sure that nobody will go watch it. It’s 139 minutes long, and doesn’t really fit in to the perfect world Obama will create. Who has time for it when you have better things to do like watch Fox News or Project Runway.

I could make a list of things you could go look up, but I’ll just recommend one thing that won’t seem so crazy out of the question.

Fluoridation of our drinking water- Over 70% of the US has fluoride added to our water. The first time fluoride was added to drinking water was in Nazi Germany. This was done to dumb down the people, making them easier to control. It also sterilizes woman, causes cancers, affects the part of the brain that controls emotions, weakens bones and the immune system, and much more. It is also one of the main ingredients in Prozac and Sarin Nerve Gas. Children who drink fluoridated water have just as much tooth decay as children who don’t. Fluoride is only affective when it is applied topically, and not ingested. Hence the warning on toothpaste.

Also Colin Powell along with Joe Biden both expressed on the same day that we will have an "International Crisis" right after Obama takes office. Powell even gives us some exact dates. January 21 & 22. Some more fear mongering so they can engineer an attack on their own people, in order to take more of our civil liberties and our Constitutional rights away.

What harm can looking at the other side of the coin do? Think for yourself. Don’t let television, newspapers and politicians tell you what you should think.

Yesterday, I went into my kids bathroom to put something in there, and I noticed pee all over the floor around the toilet. I went bitching at Chase. He lied and said it wasn’t him…it was the puppy. I would believe that if say it were on the rug in the bathroom, and not around the toilet. He’ll be 12 in less than a week, and yet he can’t manage to get his pee in the toilet. Isn’t that pretty ridiculous? What do I need to go buy him targets to pee on, like he’s 2 years old? Either he didn’t get one single drop of pee in the toilet, or every time he pee’s he pee’s on the floor a little. So, I just broke down and started bawling my eyes out at the thought of having to go mop up my 12 year old’s urine off the bathroom floor, after I was done picking up everyone’s shit from around the house just so I could dust. Then soak up the 2 piss spots I found from the puppy on the carpet so I could vacuum.

Huge tears, barely able to catch my breath tears. Then! Then I walk to my bedroom to put all this shit Jeremy pulls out and never puts away in there, and I hear Sheldyn snickering as I left the living room. I knew she was laughing at me for crying the way I was, and that just really, really fucking hurt. I can still remember when my mom cried when I was a kid, and I was always really worried, and sad for her, and I remember going and hugging her and trying to make her feel better. She was my Mom, and was crying. No, my kids laugh at me. It’s making me cry right now. I feel like such a failure in life, but especially with my kids. I have failed obviously. I haven’t raised loving, compassionate children. They are mean.

Chase talks back to me constantly. He’s disrespectful, he’s rude, he’s a slob, he lies, and he does bad in school.

Chase has so many issues I can’t even type it all up here, because it’s just embarrassing.

I have once again put myself in a situation where I am stuck, and dependent on someone else. I thought 6 years ago, I wanted freedom, and independence. I have none of that. My life literally depends on a couple of people. I don’t go out and do anything to improve my life because I’m pretty sure I’m not a very smart person, and I will fail at anything I try. I won’t even try because I have no self esteem because I am so fat and ugly.

I have had a boyfriend for nearly 5 years now, who just doesn’t ask me to marry him even though he’s acted as though that is what he wants. Now, I’ve bitched about it so much, that if it ever did happen which I won’t hold my breath for, it won’t mean what it is supposed to mean. He says we can go get married this weekend, but I just thought and wanted that special moment or that feeling of knowing he was asking me to marry him because he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. Not because I bitched about it for years. The whole proposal thing. Ruined. I don’t even want it anymore. I don’t want to marry him now because I truly feel like he doesn’t really love me like he used to. I was the one who suggested I move in with him. I pushed and pushed and pushed for that. That wasn’t him. Do you think he would have quit his job, and left the city he lived and grew up in to live with me 90 miles away? Hell fuck no! Not only did I do ALL of that, but I moved my kids up here also, so I could be with him. He never, ever would have done that for me, ever. Which looking back on it speaks volumes to me. Jeremy actually has never really sacrificed anything for me, besides having roommates who sometimes paid rent to him.

I always thought that I would own a home by the time I was 30. I’d have nice things, and be comfortable financially. I’m 33 years old, and I’m so poor my kids qualify for free lunches at school. The only car I have is 43 years old, because I am such a loser that my other car got repossessed. I live in a shitty little house, that I’m not even supposed to live in because I’m not on the lease…and couldn’t be because I have horrible, horrible credit. My credit is so bad, that even if I started to try to fix it, I wouldn’t have decent credit until I was in my 40’s. I will never own a home. I can’t buy a car. I’m still stressing out over being able to buy my kids birthday presents. Let alone Christmas presents.

I was more on track, and my life was more promising when I was 21 years old with a brand new baby…and I was poor as can be. When I die, there will be nothing that I have accomplished besides being a loser who never did anything with her life. It’s a wasted life I lead. It has no hope or promise.

I’m a pretty miserable person, and I often feel like I have nobody. Like nobody really loves me. I don’t love myself. I don’t even like myself. I think my dogs are the only ones who really like me, and that’s because I give them food.

It’s pitiful and sad. I have nothing. I am nothing.

Wow! I really hope American’s will start really questioning the way this country is being ran. This country is slowly but surely becoming a Police State, and we will soon have absolutely no rights what so ever. If you think it’s all conspiracy theory, then I dare you to actually look at the “conspiracy theories” and try to prove them wrong by legitimate means. That doesn’t mean what Fox News tells you, go read news from overseas. I dare you to go watch some of the Alex Jones movies, on his website and tell me all the declassified government documents are wrong. He backs up what he says with actual proof. He doesn’t just talk out of his butt. If you would like me to burn you some copies of some of the movies, I will gladly do that, and mail them too you. Just email me and let me know. What harm can it do, to actually look at both sides?

Democratic Congressman: Representatives Were Threatened With Martial Law In America Over Bailout Bill

Full speech on CSPAN

Warns that a panic atmosphere is intentionally being nurtured to get bill passed

Sherman’s allegations of threats against elected representatives have also been echoed by outspoken political activist Lyndon LaRouche who told an audience “There are those in high positions who know that if they don’t allow this bill to pass, that there are people behind the Bush Administration who will force them to pass it or kill them…”. LaRouche stated that well placed sources had told him that the use of armed troops to enforce the passage of the bill is “reality”.

From: PrisonPlanet.tv